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Saturday, December 22, 2018

Winter Solstice Reflections

Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash

Winter offers the ideal setting for reflections, which lines up perfectly with the new year. I have been meditating leading up to this season, asking myself what intention I want to set for myself next year and how am I going to get there.

My goal, ultimately, is to publish my novel. I am at the point now where it would hurt worse for me not to finish it than it would to publish it and see it flop, or no one read it at all. I am defining my success in this endeavor as finishing the process. It has been an uphill climb to figure out how to accomplish this big of a project. It is taking a while, but I am learning so much along the way.

I don't know if it is precisely related, but I've had a realization about myself during these winter reflections. Most of my anxiety comes from freezing, undecided between fight and flight. I am the definition of a deer in the headlights.

Though I didn't define it until much later in life, anxiety has always been with me. Often causing me to hesitate and back down. Trust me, I was never the first one to go off a diving board, if I ever went at all.

I think this mentality is giving me a hard time with the completion of my novel. It is, after all, a long list of endless decisions about simple and complex things. I debate too long over little things and often want to change details after I've already gotten well through the manuscript.

I'm trying to change this anxiety, at least calm it down a little bit. I want to do this risky thing. Putting my story, my creation, out into the world is a scary thing. There is always this fear of not being accepted. It took me a long time to be able to want this bad enough to begin to overlook people's judgments. I am ready for a break through, that is what my new year is all about.

I am looking to overcome my anxiety with a strong daily routine of purpose, productivity and self-care. I have a lot of things I want to do and being organized and healthy is how I am going to get there. This isn't going to be easy, but I know I am strong. I am ready to find my voice.

Do you take some time from the holiday craziness to reflect on your year and set intentions for the next? I would love to hear about some of your aspirations. No matter what, always remember that you are strong and powerful. I wish peace for you and yours this holiday.

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