Monday, May 7, 2018

The Good and the Bad of Saying "No"


The other morning I received a text asking to pick up a friend's kid from school. Normally, I would not even hesitate to do this. Our girls are friends and they would have a great afternoon. However, on this particular day, we already had plans to celebrate a birthday with a different friend's daughter. I felt so bad about saying no, but I had to out of respect for the already planned birthday event.

The situation brought up a lot of feelings about saying no.

I've been a mom for eight plus years now. I've read all the articles... "Say yes more" and "Don't be afraid to say no." They all have their points. Still, it is something that comes up for all of us right? When do we say yes and when do we say no?

Though I tried to rack my brain around how I could help, the reality is I couldn't. I already had other obligations. They figured it out thankfully and our day went smoothly as well, but still, I felt the guilt.

I am a people pleaser by nature. If you don't suffer from such affliction, you are lucky. But there are some who understand exactly what I mean.

I try to say yes as often as I can. I enjoy those unplanned moments in life, they are usually the ones we remember. I like to try new things, and saying yes to new opportunities often brings about joy.

The other side of saying yes, is that sometimes my plate is just full. Sometimes it is overflowing. That is my current status...full and overflowing. In this case, saying no is a must because I can't handle anything else today, or tomorrow.

In this particular instance it was because that answer affected someone else. And yet, I still felt remorseful that I couldn't help out. If only it was the next day. (Then again that day was full too, but I probably would have made a way.)

It is a tricky task managing time, resources and energy. Sometimes I wonder how we get anything done or maintain any relationships. Yet, somehow, someway, I am lucky enough to meet people who understand the stresses of life and forgive those times when it just doesn't work out.

I tend to be a "yes" person, though I am learning that I need to hold my own sanity and priorities above outside sources. I don't mean that in a selfish way, though I struggle with how that sounds. I mean that at the end of the day I have to make sure me and mine are taken care of and I can accomplish what is required of me. Adding unnecessary is when I am learning to just say no. Even when it is hard to do.

Where do you fall on the "yes" and "no" scale? Do you ever feel guilty about saying no or regret saying yes? I'm curious, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.


Title Photo by Aki Tolentino on Unsplash

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Have an inspired day!

6 comments:

  1. I think about this a lot and usually encourage my friends to say no if they really don't want to do something. If you are going to do something it's got to be done willingly and with a smile :) No obligations and most important saying no does not make you a bad person or make you look bad !

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    1. That is very true. It took me a long to time to realize that saying no did not make me a bad person. I've come a long way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Have a wonderful week :)

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  2. Amanda,

    It's hard to say 'NO'. I get that but if you can find peace in putting you and your family first then it gets easier. Those who are asking most certainly understand that you have plans that can't be changed and you're inability to accommodate their request won't bother them. I think you did the right thing given the circumstances, though. I worry about people who jump every time someone asks something of them for fear that person's good nature, helpfulness is taken advantage of, you know? Be careful to not let others do that to you! ;) Have a good day and happy M'Day!

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    1. That is something I have struggled with in the past. I would go out of my way to help others and not even get a thank you. It is hard to say no, but as I am becoming more confident in myself I am able to realize that I can't do it all. And my family and my self do come first, which does make it a little easier. It is amazing how much fear there is, even in the smallest of things. I am working on that too...there's always something to improve on, right?

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! Have a wonderful week :)

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  3. Amanda, this is a great post, a great message, and a great reminder! We cannot effectively help others if our plates are overflowing already. Then everything suffers. I struggle the same as you, saying no, especially when a friend is in need. But sometimes you just can't help. And that's okay, too. Thanks for the little reminder to take care of one's needs and obligations first...because you won't be much help to anyone in the long run if you have spread yourself so thin that you break!

    Shelbee
    www.shelbeeontheedge.com

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    1. Yes, absolutely. Thanks so much for your input. I do struggle with putting too much on my plate in general and trying to make everything work. I'm slowly learning to give myself a little more time, more space and more credit. We are all doing the best we can, it's good to help others, but sometimes, I just can't and that's okay. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, have a wonderful week!

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Thanks for the lovely comment! I love to hear your thoughts.

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